Is it common for sexual relations to slow down as the relationship evolves? Yes, it is common for sexual relations to slow down as the relationship evolves. When couples first start seeing each other, it’s not uncommon for them to have sex more than once a day. A lot of recently married couples continue to have sex once a day for around a year.
How often does the average American couple have sex? The longer you are together, the less frequently you have sex on the average. For newlyweds it might be once a day. By the time couples get into their 30’s-40’s-50’s, if they’ve been together 20 years or more, they tend to have sex about six times a month–one to two times a week. After that, if you are still together, health factors tend to have an influence on how often you have sex. One partner might develop medical problems that prevent sex for a while.
Does this average tend to decrease once children enter into the relationship? The average amount of sex definitely decreases once you have kids. There is the pregnancy and postpartum period in which there may be discomfort. Pregnant women’s hormones are often changed and the woman doesn’t feel sexy. Also, she might not feel sexy psychologically because now she sees herself as a mom and the kids take priority over the husband and sex. Plus, when you have kids, you get too busy to have sex. Waning testosterone in later years can decrease desire for both men and women.
Do women need to be more confident to feel more sexy and take the sexual initiative with their partner? Sexual confidence is a huge factor in whether women will initiate sex. Another word for sexual self-confidence would be sexual self-esteem–knowing that you are a sexual person and not being afraid to initiate.
Is it possible to bring sexiness into our everyday life, while still being a “good girl”? There are a number of ways to bring sexiness into your everyday life while still remaining a good girl. One way is to promote sensuality. When you and your partner make love, put something in the room to stimulate all of the senses. Use low lighting, burn a scented candle, have a glass of wine, use plenty of sensuous massage prior to intercourse. Nobody will think you are a bad girl if you do this. Also, you could have sexy or sensual posters, pictures, hangings or statues in your bedroom or even the rest of your house.
In closing, what can we women do to help spice up our relationships? To spice up your relationship, you first have to look to yourself. Even if you and your partner aren’t currently having sex, you can make sure to stimulate yourself and allow yourself to take the time out for a “fantasy session”. Keeping yourself open to erotic charge is probably the biggest factor in whether women stay sexy. Also, keep yourself in good health and shape–it will help you feel sexier. It’s always good to schedule a time out session for you and your partner in which you are free to have sex with nothing else intruding. Sometimes this takes a little doing, but the benefits are worth it.
Barbara Keesling has worked as a sex surrogate and sex therapist; earned a doctorate in psychology; written several bedside guides on lovemaking including Sexual Healing, Sexual Pleasure, and How to Make Love All Night; and taught human sexuality and sychopathology at Pepperdine University in southern California. Keesling’s expertise has been featured in numerous national magazines such as Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, and Marie Claire, and she appeared in an erotic Playboy pictorial. She is a frequent guest on national TV and radio talk shows.
