Lisa Steadman knows how to help women get over Mr Wrong and move on to find Mr Right. In light of the Valentine’s season, we thought we’d let her answer a few questions about finding your own Prince Charming.
What keeps single women stuck and unable to meet great men?
Because our beliefs create our reality, when you believe there are no good men out there, you won’t find any. If you think the love of your life got away, and that you will never meet anybody as interesting and amazing as your ex, you’re right. You won’t. See, our subconscious is so committed to being right, it’s going to show us how right it is – by delivering those disappointing results we believe to be true. However, when you shift your thinking, you realize that it’s better to be happy than right. And in order to be happy, it’s time to let go of the idea that your happily ever after is in your past, and celebrate the fact that it’s in your future with someone new.
How can single women learn from past relationships without feeling like failures or losers at love?
For any woman out there who’s feeling bad about herself because she’s had her fair share of relationships and breakups, it’s once again time to shift your thinking. We’re not relationship failures. Our love lives have been karmically eventful. Thank God! If we never got our heart broken, if we never risked big and lost big, if we stayed in the first relationship we ever got into regardless of compatibility and shared values, would we learn anything? Life is messy, and the sooner we celebrate that – and the lessons that go along with it – the sooner we’ll fall madly in love with ourselves and our lives and that’s the key to attracting great men and eventually the love of our lives.
In your book, you make the important distinction between dating disappointment and actual heartbreak. Can you elaborate?
I work with so many smart, successful, savvy women who often mistake disappointment on the dating scene for heartbreak. The problem is that they end up wasting valuable time and energy nursing what they think is a broken heart, but is actually just a bruised ego. When you embrace the idea that dating disappointment isn’t heartbreak and instead is just a natural reaction to unmet expectations, you can create more realistic expectations, cut down on wasted time and energy, and meet Mr. Next more quickly, eventually calling in Mr. Right.
What are some tell tale signs women can look out for to differentiate between Mr. Next and Mr. Right?
On the road to happily ever after, you’ll meet and date lots of Mr. Nexts. Your job is to get to know these guys for who they are, and clearly see how they match up with your relationship requirements. Mr. Next can be fun, funny, and fabulous, but as soon as he reveals himself to be someone who doesn’t match up with your long term goals and requirements, you must let go and move on. Now, Mr. Right can also be fun, funny, and fabulous, AND he also takes an interest in you, celebrates who you are, and shares your common values. When you meet him, you’ll know. And that’s fabulous!
Don’t forget to enter to win your own copy of Lisa’s latest book, If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right HERE.
Lisa Steadman is an internationally acclaimed relationship journalist, relationship coach, best-selling author, sought-after speaker, and CEO of Woohoo, Inc. Lisa founded her company after leaving Corporate America in 2004, the same year she successfully survived her own “Big Breakup.” Using her unique and proven methods, Lisa now helps women break free of self-sabotaging relationship blocks, beliefs, and patterns to welcome healthy, happy, whole love into their lives.