Confession time: the contestants weren’t the only ones with frayed nerves tonight. I, also, was a bit nervous about tonight’s show. As I’ve been writing this blog most of the season, it becomes more difficult with each passing week to come up with something more original and snarky to say than the week before. I’m at a point in the season (well, actually my AI career), where I’m feeling desensitized to the AI mind games.

I hate to steal Randy’s thunder, but he’s dead on when he says that Jordin is amazingly talented for her age. She has a lot of time to grow as a performer, and I think she has a good career ahead of her with or without making it to the finals.. She’s been heavily pimped and praised this year. To be honest, I’m not sure if *that* is what might put her into the finals or if it will all backfire.

Regarding Blake, after tonight I feel the same way about him that I’ve felt all season. Out of the six male finalist of this season, I’m not at all surprised he is the last one standing. His charm and versatility have carried him this far. I guess it depends on how you look at Idol. If you’re “in it to win it” as far as the competition goes in terms of vocal skills, then Blake doesn’t deserve to advance to the finals. He’s too inconsistent. If you think the competition should go to the person with the best show persona who took the most risks, then Blake should go through to the finals.

I’ve enjoyed watching Melinda grow throughout this season. She’s more comfortable taking risks and has been able to pull off all of the genres that this season has included. Not any easy tasks since most of them sucked! Her strongest genres are jazz and R&B. I’m with Simon, that being the most consistent singer all season should count for something. However, I’m pretty sure that if she wins it, people will cry foul because it’s yet another southern winner.

Shoutout goes to Clive Davis for not being there tonight. Saved us some valuable air time!

My rankings for the rounds tonight:

Round One (judges choice): Melinda, Jordin, Blake

Round Two (producers choice): Melinda, Blake, Jordin

Round Three (personal choice): Jordin, Melinda, Blake

Southerner. Out.

Live, from New York, it’s the American Idol blog! We are down to four, count ‘em, four, Idols, each with a distinct style.

The ever-popular Evil Simon, who, having kissed LaKisha last week, had to redeem himself, and fast, lest he should lose his membership in the International Association of Evil Trolls;

Level-Headed Randy, he of the sound advice; and, tonight, having left her evil twin (Spicolli Paula) backstage,

Malibu Paula, the ever-smiling, perpetually popular cheerleader of yesteryear who always has something nice to say and who (darn!) always looks beautiful (in spite of some questionable fashion choices).

Tonight, we have the songs of Barry Gibb, who is a much more prolific musician than I had ever imagined, and whose advice to the Idols was quite good, IMHO. Let’s not forget that Mr. Gibb was a quite successful producer in his post-disco years (but please, for the love of all that is holy, Barry, get rid of the now-white disco hair!).

We start with the usually perfect Melinda, who brings us her interpretation of Love You Inside and Out. Let’s just say that her interpretation was wide of the mark. Frighteningly wide. As wide as her usual wide, deer-in-the-headlights stare. What in heck was she thinking? Which was, pretty much, what Randy, Paula, and Evil Simon had to say to her. Ouch.

On to Blake, who decides to showcase his beatboxing with You Should Be Dancing. It seemed way off-key to my entirely untrained ears (and to the dogs across the hall, who were howling in pain, but I digress). Level-Headed Randy said that beatboxing did not work here. Malibu Paula said Blake’s pitch was off, but that the beatboxing showed “true musicianship”. Evil Simon called the performance “absolutely terrible”. At that moment, I almost kissed Evil Simon.

Lakisha’s rendition of Staying Alive was odd. Barry had suggested that she use her higher range, but she did not. She also slowed the tempo to the song quite a bit. Which would have been fine, except that she has a tendency to shout, not sing. Level-Headed Randy asked her why she slowed it down. Malibu Paula told her she brought the mood down. And, well, Evil Simon told her she would not be getting a kiss from him tonight. I’m sure she was heartbroken.

On to Jordin, who sang To Love Somebody. Boy, did she sing it! She was very sexy, with lots of emotion. Kind of creepy, actually, considering her age, but when that girl is on, she is ON! Randy (“Check it!”) told her it was the best vocal so far, compared her to Mariah and Aretha, and told her she is “in it to win it.” Malibu Paula agreed it was the best vocal so far this evening. And Evil Simon told her she is back in the competition. Wel, well.

And then came Melinda, whose rendition of How Can You Mend a Broken Heart? served to remind us of why she has been a front-runner for so long. Level-Headed R-Man told her it was a great song choice, her vocal was great, and the ending was great. Great, great, great. Malibu Paula told her her technique is great, can she step away from that, take a risk and surprise us? Ooh, that’s a pretty good comment from Malibu Paula. Evil Simon, who clearly took some kind of “Drink Me” potion that made him almost generous tonight, told Melinda the second half of her song put her in the semis. Careful, Simon, your membership in the International Association of Evil Trolls hangs in the balance here!

Blake comes in, with a song no one has ever heard of, This Is Where I Come In. He is looking studiedly sexy. And I am thinking, “This is a weird song, and the beatboxing is not helping.” While Malibu Paula praised him for being on-key (damning with faint praise, perhaps?), Evil Simon said exactly what I was thinking: It was tuneless and why on earth did you choose this weird song? Blaker Girls, the man’s time may be up.

Lakisha sings Run to Me, which, according to Barry, is a very challenging song with two key changes. Unfortunately, all of that shouting has gotten to Lakisha, because she is hoarse, and can barely get through the song. Malibu Paula, true to form, calls Lakisha a champ. Evil Simon, also true to form, tells Lakisha her performance was not good.

As Jordin prepares to sing Woman in Love, Barry tells us she is the next great female recording artist. Well, Jordin stands there, looking like a pretty 17-year-old in her first evening gown, in front of the microphone. It’s a lovely performance, but it does not sound like a pop star. Level Headed R-Man says it’s not her best performance. Malibu Paula tells her she looks great and that she loves her anyways. Oh, and props to Barry Gibb for his incredible songs. Evil Simon says her performance felt old-fashioned and pageanty, and I nod at the TV.

Evil Simon is, again, right. Oh, NO!!!! I am turning into an evil troll!!!

So, who will be eliminated? At this point, who knows?

Ysolde

Let’s face it: this is a very “rock-challenged” group of finalist. For me, this season’s themes have been lame and quite yawn worthy, so I wasn’t sure what to expect tonight. I’m a big Bon Jovi fan. I’m a child of the 80’s, but I was apprehensive about which Bon Jovi songs the contestants were going to choose.

Here are my thoughts from favorite to least favorite:

Blake Lewis - You Give Love a Bad Name – Once again, his lack of a vocal toolbox doesn’t matter because he is multi-talented in ways that the other contestants are not. I loved how cohesive his beatboxing was with the music. Definitely the biggest risk of the season and I’m thinking it will work in his favor.

Melinda Doolittle - Have a Nice Day – Nice to see some personality up there. I had a feeling she could pull off some attitude if she’d just drop the diva act for a night.

Lakisha Jones – This Ain’t a Love Song – I think the fact that this song is not one of the more familiar Bon Jovi songs helped Lakisha tonight. We have to remember that this week’s votes are getting combined with last week’s. She was more than likely one of the bottom two last week, so that means she needs to be in the top two this week to cancel that out. I thought it was a solid performance, perfect choice of a soulful ballad. Is it me or are the pounds just melting off of her?

Phil Stacey – Blaze of Glory – For a song he’s practiced for fifteen years, I expected a bit more. The past few weeks, he seems more comfortable up on stage, and it’s paying off for him. It’s nice to see him letting it all hang out. Sweat and all.

Jordin Sparks - Living on a Prayer – Well, it was bound to happen, an off night for Ms. Sparks. Rock music and low notes are not her strong suit. We knew that. However, in true AI form, the reverse psychology of the judges criticisms will probably drum her up enough pity votes to get by this week’s double elimination. There are a few Bon Jovi songs like Bed of Roses, Always, or I’ll Be There For You that come to mind as songs she could have pulled off more successfully.

Chris Richardson – Wanted Dead or Alive – Shaky. He (like Jordin) could have pulled off a ballad much better. Blah. He’s really going for making that nasal style make a break through.

Southerner. Out.

Ryan explains the whole premise of this-for every vote called in at the end of the show, Newscorp will donate 10 cents per call to charitable organizations across the U.S. Special guest Bono is supposed to show up at some point…whether it’s tonight, or tomorrow, is unclear. Stay tuned…

Hey…where’s Bono? Maybe we’ll see him tomorrow night. MAYBE.

Chefker

It’s country night. A night that has struck up many a controversial comment from our good friend Simon Cowell. I think he had fun tonight, though. He sure picked on Ryan a lot more than usual (or maybe it’s just as much as usual…I’m still wondering if they are dating). The amazing (and beautiful) Martina McBride gave our contestants some pointers and coached them in their pieces this week. I think she was honest and gave them great advice. Thankfully, most of them took it.

So, since I love the way Southerner does her AI blogs, I’ll go from my favorite, to my least…

Melinda Doolittle – ”Trouble Is A Woman“ by Julie Reeves
WOW…Melinda rocked it. I was so entertained and it was such a fun performance. I think she looked AMAZING. I love her hair long and I love that she dressed the part.
The judges though she did great. Simon, however, said what we’ve all been thinking “I’m going to give you a compliment, don’t look surprised”.

Phil Stacey – ”Where The Black Top Ends” by Keith Urban
I have loved Phil since his audition. Although he’s wavered up and down the scale for me this season, this was definitely one of his best performances. He nailed the melody and sounded so confident. He showed great personality and I really feel like this is the genre for him.

Jordin Sparks – “Broken Wing” by Martina McBride
Not my favorite Jordin performance. She did well and I think country is something she can pull off. She just didn’t seem as strong this week as she has in the past. I did, however, notice her little nose ring for the first time this week. Cute, definitely brings out her personality. But, the dress was U-G-L-Y. Yeah, someone needs to tell her that gold and flaky paint red just don’t look right. Especially when the dress fits you like a garbage bag.

LaKisha Jones – “Jesus Take The Wheel” by Carrie Underwood
Eh, I’m gonna sound like Randy here, but it was just OK for me. Of course, she sounded great as usual. But she is not cut out for country. She tried to give it a little R&B feel at the beginning, which was nice. It was kinda pitchy and really didn’t do much for me. I miss the old LaKisha that was giving us goosebumps and making Paula forget about her lost pain pills.

Blake Lewis – ”When The Stars Go Blue” By Tim McGraw
I was so disappointed. Blake has been my favorite up until this week. He was pitchy and all over the place, and he just didn’t have enough control. The judges said he picked the perfect song and it sounded pretty good. I was sure Simon would say something about him being off key, but he seemed to like it. Maybe I was watching a different show?? Although, he did look SOOO hot, as always. Yes folks, I have a little reality crush on Blake. He makes my heart go boom boom boom.

Chris Richardson – “Mayberry” by Rascal Flatts
I’m really torn on this performance. I had to put it at the bottom, though, because I think I disliked it more than I liked it. It was nasally (as the judges pointed out) and he was trying SO hard to sound “country” that he killed it. Throw in a couple JT hand moves, and it really didn’t sound that great. When Simon commented on the nasal part, Chris proceeded to tell him that “Nasally is a form of singing”….You’re right Chris, I think I was just absent that day in music theory….

Sanjaya Malakar – ”Something To Talk About” by Bonnie Raitt
OK, it’s time for me to let loose. For the love of all things holy, can someone PLEASE tell me why this kid is still here. He can’t sing, his hair has more personality on stage than he does, and his biggest fan is a 12-year-old girl who had snot dripping down her face during one of his worst performances. This performance, however, topped them all. It was TERRIBLE. He was completely off key and pitchy and up and down and just…..terrible. It was a karaoke performance…after 1 too many beers. I’ll just sum it up in the words of Simon “Utterly horrendous”. Nuff said.

Over all, this week was pretty decent. Not the best song choices, but the performances were worth watching. I’m still counting on Melinda and Blake in the final 2. I’m actually thinking about wearing my “I Love Blake” T-shirt to work tomorrow. MMMMM….

Charliezangel

I know I’m supposed to be providing commentary on this week’s performances, and I will, but first I need to have a heart to heart with you people while I have your attention.

This Sanjaya business has got to stop. Please, for the love of God, do your part to end this nonsense. If your husband, sister or best friend’s cousin is among those voting for Sanjaya for whatever reason, stage an intervention. I’m dying over here. And if you won’t do it for me, do it for the people staging a hunger strike to get him off the show.

Anyway, on to the performances. Gwen Stefani coached our contestants this week, and I think she had great advice for all of them. I can’t wait for her performance during the results show.

I loved Lakisha singing “Last Dance.” I’m so glad she picked something upbeat and fun this week. Her talent is undeniable, but she was especially entertaining tonight, too, which is always a plus.

Poor, poor Chris Sligh. I enjoyed him at the beginning of the competition, but he can’t seem to put together a good performance to save his life anymore. He was truly hideous this week. I feel terrible saying that because he seems like such a sweetheart, but there was nothing good about his singing.

Gina redeemed herself this week. She made a great song choice, avoided the “mouth of marbles” syndrome that plagued her last few performances and didn’t fall into the trap of yelling to project that oh so appealing rocker vibe. She did a beautiful job this week.

Sanjaya’s vocals were not so bad this week, but he still basically butchered the song. I suspect a lot of AI viewers don’t know No Doubt’s “Bathwater,” so they don’t know what a great song it is. What a shame. If you don’t know it, please do yourself a favor and give it a listen on iTunes. Gwen rocks it. But then, what else would you expect?

I love the song “True Colors,” but not when Haley’s singing it. I only need two words to describe her performance: bo-ring. I guess she’d better hope she looked hot enough to carry her through to next week. Unfortunately, she looked as frumpy as she sounded. Bring back the hot pants, Haley.

Again, I adore “Every Breathe You Take.” It’s such a beautiful, sexy song. I think Phil made a very smart decision in choosing it. He never blows me away, but this was a solid performance, and I think he pulled it off rather successfully.

So, are Melinda and Lakisha officially all synched up or what? Once again, they chose very similar songs. I guess they must be consulting each other because I can hardly believe it’s a coincidence. This was another in a long list of very strong performances from Melinda, but with the added bonus of a great song choice, particularly when you compare it to the past couple of weeks. She’s solid as a rock.

I’m just gonna say it: I think Blake is super sexy hot, so he can pretty much get up there and do whatever he wants as far as I’m concerned. Still, this was only okay. I assumed he’d do the same arrangement of “Love Song” as 311 did, so that wasn’t a huge suprise, though it was a disappointment. I adore 311, but I just don’t think this is a song that needed to be remade. And I assume Paula has no idea 311 ever did the song because (a) she’s probably never heard of them; and (b) he did it exactly like they did. Exactly. FYI, Paula, it was just about the polar opposite of original.

Jordin’s my girl! I expect a variety of opinions regarding her choice to sing “Hey Baby,” but I loved it. We haven’t seen her do anything at all like this yet, and she has a strong enough voice to sing anything as long as she does it with conviction. It was fun and pop, exactly what an American Idol performance should be.

Chris Richardson’s take on “Don’t Speak” was kinda cool. I liked the vibey, chilled out feeling he brought to it. Still, I think he’s completely out of his league.

I know I’m going to hate myself for ending with this, but I’m doing it anyway. Does anyone else think Sanjaya did well enough this week to warrant sticking around? It kills me to say it, but I don’t think he was the worst performer this week. And now may I be struck down by a random bolt of lightning.

Lawyerlee

Today on the drive to work I heard Taylor Hicks’ single for the first time. Yes, I live in a cave, let’s move on. At any rate, the song didn’t surprise me. I could totally write for those people. Let’s give it a whirl:

*Uncertain low crooning about sense of self*
“Who am I really, I think I might suck but I’m not sure, let’s ponder it, ohh ohh ohh.”
*deep breath*
*Second verse, with a desperate shred of confidence*
“I’m giving it my all, how can I suck if I’m trying so hard, warble warble moan.”
*Chorus*
“Tell me I don’t suck, all my dreams came true when I won this puppet show, now I’ll shill for Heinz ketchup and live the dream until I blow my bank account on 250-year-old-bourbon and dabble in tax evasion, ahhh ahhh ahhhhhhhhhh.”
*bridge*
“I’ll spread my wings/let my heart soar/have other hypothetical body parts do hypothetical traveling, oh yeah, oh YEAH.”
*Chorus*
*Two second guitar solo, so the instrumentalist doesn’t rot in a 1-4-5 coma*
*Key change*
*Chorus up a half step, now backed by the entire cast of Sister Act*
*First verse, now with new-found sense of my awesomeness*
*Last word held for six minutes*

That wasn’t hard. Dianne Warren’s got nuthin’.

Greenbunny

I was skeptical about tonight because the theme didn’t excite me too much (nor did the songs), but I was pleasantly surprised. Here’s my late night recap of the performances:

Haley – Tell Him. I’m with Simon, people aren’t going to be talking about the singing, just the bouncing boobs, jirating hips, and daisy dukes she was sporting. Her personality and sex appeal is what will carry her in this competition, but not too far.

Chris R – Don’t Let The Sun Catch You Crying. An efficient enough performance tonight. He still needs to develop his vocals a bit, just don’t know if he’ll have time to do so.

Stephanie – You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me. Girl, I used to. She was the weakest female tonight. I don’t know if the pressure of the competition is mounting for her or what. The past two weeks, she’s disappointed me. Uh, I’m no fashion maven, but those boots were the wrong kind for that dress.

Blake – Time Of The Season. While he’s got the moves and the ability to pour his personality into his songs, he doesn’t have strong vocals. Like we’re reminded so many times, this IS a singing competition after all. He’ll get far enough in the competition w/ his looks and versatility, but I don’t see him in the finals.

Lakisha – Diamonds Are Forever. Strong vocals. Boring song. Fake bling. Hello girls.

Phil – Tobacco Road. Attempting to pull of some Chris Daughtry and Bo Bice moves tonight didn’t work for him. I had to turn down the volume on my tv because of his yelling.

Jordin – I Who Have Nothing. I think that will go down as one of the best performances in AI history. If she keeps it up, she’ll be in the finals, easily.

Sanjaya – You Really Got Me. Uh, no you don’t. Please go home so people don’t have to listen to you on tour this summer.

Gina – Paint It Black. She has the advantage of being the only rocker this year and the only non-R&B female singer. Now if she’d just knock it off with all the yelling and mumbling. Maybe I do prefer the Celine ballads for her. She has a voice, but we haven’t heard it in a few weeks and soon we’ll all forget about it. I think her weeks are numbered.

Chris S. – She’s Not There. Besides the panting that started half way through his performance, it was overall decent enough to keep him around another week. He’s continues to be inconsistent to me.

Melinda – As Long As He Needs Me. While I do think she had the second strongest vocals of all the contestants tonight, she just bored me. Again. Sorry.

My top three: Jordin, Melinda, and Blake

My bottom three: Stephanie, Phil, and Sanjaya

Southerner

Hello intrepid AI followers, jesvet filling in for the week. So it’s the big time now, huh? The Top 12. The ones everyone remembers, at least for the next couple months, at which point they recede back into Constantine Maroulis/Diana DeGarmo territory. Or worse, Jon Peter Lewis territory. Who, you ask? My point exactly. But for now, they are living large on the Temporary B List.

Tuesday’s big event: moving to the big theater. And for such an auspicious occasion, guest “mentor” Diana Ross. I gotta tell ya, based on perezhilton.com and the like I was expecting some really manic behavior, but either she is taking her medication, or NOT taking the medication- hard to tell, but either way it’s working. She was delightful.

So Top 12, here we go:

Brandon: Oh man, he forgot the words. I could hear Randy saying “Oh DAWG!” and Simon moaning “You cahn’t do that at this stage in the game, dreadful,” before the last note left his lips. Weak. He knew it too, which is too bad because he seems like a nice kid.

Melinda: She is growing better each week. She’s this meek little sweet woman when interviewed and just blows up into this bigger than life personality on stage. Love her. And uh oh, Paula didn’t even make it to contestant number two before the waterworks started. This girl isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, nor should she.

Chris S: Giving “Endless Love” the Coldplay treatment. Kind of weird. My husband liked it, but he’s a Coldplay fan. I also find it harder to feel all warm and cuddly towards him now that I know he has a hot wife; he was much more endearing in his loveable geeky Jack Osbourne role, without the geeky specs he just looks like Justin Guarini on the Krispy Kreme diet.

Gina: Eh, she always seems to arrogant to me. Diana told her not to mumble, but she did anyway. “LOVE CHILD….mumblesomethingblahblah…LOVE CHIIIILD….beedeebopdebop!” Meh. She’ll stay around, but not to the bitter end.

Sanjaya- Well, obviously Diana hasn’t been watching AI because she asked him if he can dance. He can do a mean Michael Jackson impersonation, but it should never, ever be seen again. *sigh* He’s so sweet, but so out of his league. He’s this season’s Chicken Little. PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISERY AMERICA, for the love of all that is good, please please please!!!!

Haley- I’m starting to pick up the trend. If the intro has Diana giving advice, it means they are going to suck. If she is all compliments, it will rock. I guess you don’t make it 40 years in the business without being able to recognize the star power. She did better at covering the word lapse, though, than Brandon. It’s bad when the best PAULA can come up with is a comment on your hair, though what alternate universe are we in where Simon is the big complimenter? Oh wait, I get it. When he lambastes them, they get the pity votes. Reverse psychology! He’s a clever Brit, that Simon Cowell. But I’m onto you, Cowelie. Hopefully the rest of America isnt’.

Phil- Before he even opens his mouth, I have to tell you I am biased. I can’t imagine a guy who would take off on his pregnant wife for a once in a lifetime shot at a show that REPEATS TWICE A YEAR. So I think he is a schmuck and he has psycho eyes. OK, on that note: He is definitely better than Sanjaya. One of the better guys, despite the fact that I think he looks like the love child of Ed Kowalczyk and Gomer Pyle.

LaKisha: She makes singing look effortless. Brava. I also have to applaud the costume design team this season; after disaster after disaster in previous seasons with the over size 2 set, they are finally thinking about what would translate well to the screen, instead of indulging their inner Bobby Trendies and stuffing these hapless women into Big Bird feathered dresses.

Blake: The beat box dude. He’s doing an electronica version of You Keep Me Hanging On while simultaneously doing the robot. Weird, but morbidly fascinating. I think the strobe lights almost gave me a seizure. Too produced. Maybe he should have busted out the beat box after all?

Stephanie: Does anyone else hear “Stephanie Edwards” and instantly think of the redhead Rose Bowl Parade commentator? I have to admit, I’m getting tired and bored and I spent her performance googling “Stephanie Edwards” and learning about her spat with Bob Eubanks instead of watching her performance. But it sounds like everyone kind of tuned out. So, um, meh for me.

Chris R: He looks like K Fed in that white dinner jacket. To his credit, he sounds better than K Fed, but not by much. He has a tinny voice, doesn’t he? At least he got the crowd going. Paula? Where is the shot of Paula dancing on the judge’s table? You know she was.

Jordan: Diana’s been in the biz for 40 years and all Jordan can come up with is a soundtrack from The Land Before Time? Well, in her defense my three year old loved it. As did the judges. It was pretty good, but I half expected them to start rolling the credits over the end of her song (isn’t that what soundtrack scores are for?)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND………….

Bottom three are Brandon, Sanjaya, and Phil. Phil? Are you kidding? Ah, the American Idol nonsense begins. We’ve already established I don’t like him but in no way was he worse than Haley.

Ohhhh noooooo, we have to listen to Sanjaya relucatantly whisper his way through another week. Poor Sanjaya. Poor us. There are no winners here people, not Brandon who has to go home early, not Sanjaya who has at least one more week of public humiliation, and most certainly not the viewing public who will be exposed to it.

-jesvet